So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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