i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
