I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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