I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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