i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize