The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
