Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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