I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize