Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
