I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
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I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
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Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I want a musical about memes.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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