We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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