she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
