Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later