do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess