we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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