Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.