This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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