I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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