Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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