You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
