Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
