the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
