nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You're my little dorito
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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