I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
