Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
it was like eating out sand paper
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
