I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
time to smoke my breakfast
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize