she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
