I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
