he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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