I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
