It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
only if we run a train.
done.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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