in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I need moral support for this bender
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
