I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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