For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
