My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize