Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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