You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
