Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
