I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
