Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
