i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
