She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
