Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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