He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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