You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
