he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
