The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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