I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
