i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
