Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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