No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
