I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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