why didn't you poke me back
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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