I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
