I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
