I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
