Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
