clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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