No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
