Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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