I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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