There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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