Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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