Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
